The Cornish Rambler

Life In Cold Blood

2008-02-17T18:35:00.001+01:00

"This is a gold mine. The people who dug it didn't find any gold."

So - it's technically more of what's known as 'a big hole' then Sir David?

--

Pining Away

2008-01-06T19:02:00.000+01:00

So there we are, Christmas is officially over. The tree's down, the decorations are gone, and I'm running out of time to do something with that last half-jar of mincemeat in the fridge.

Is it just me that appears to play hide-n-seek with decorations? You think you're done, sit down, then realise there's still tinsel round the picture. So you pull the boxes out again, stuff it in and sit back down, only to spot the wind-up santa on the bookcase (which has actually been there all year, because you didn't spot it last time either).

Then it's just a question of getting the tree out into the back garden and deciding, rather like the Liberator, which way it should be pointing; all the time knowing it's a redundant question anyway, as either will see an equal number of needles shed into the carpet, clothes and the cat's bowl. The resulting hoovering up is also doubly difficult, because finding pine needles on a green carpet? I suppose I could always do it in bare feet...

Still, next Christmas? Bring it on.

--

008, Licensed to post cheap innuendo

2008-01-05T11:48:00.000+01:00

Happy, um, January? Yes, quite.

So there I am, checking my email and trying to drink enough black coffee to wake up, when there's a short loud bang at the door. It's not quite a knock-knock, and as far as I know the doorbell's working, so I assume it's one of the cats, but I go to have a look, (somewhat tentatively, as I'm only clad in dressing gown and towel).

I pull open the door to find a middle-aged balding gentleman bent down in an attempt to stuff a Yellow Pages through my cat-flap.

The Cornish Rambler : startling unsuspecting locals since 2004.

--

"You cheap lousy faggot"

2007-12-23T18:13:00.000+01:00

So after all the fuss about Radio 1 first censoring Fairytale of New York, and then deciding not to when the entire world and Radio 2 went "Eh? WTF?" they end up dubbing it after all on the Christmas TOTP2.

Now apart from the insanity of screwing with the most famous line of the most popular Christmas song ever (TM) I'll concede it was actually done in an impressively seamless way, substituting "you're drunk and you're haggard" for "you cheap lousy faggot". So if you didn't know what it was supposed to be, you wouldn't, in fact, notice. The point being, everybody does know what it's supposed to be. And everyone, with the exception of Peter "shut up I'm chewing a wasp" Tatchell, who takes offence at everything on principle and should therefore sensibly be ignored, thinks it's bonkers to change it.

Bizarrely, they left in the other line that was earmarked for dubbing, "you're an old slut on junk." Which, for the last twenty years, I have heard as "you're an old southern drunk." So the only outcome of the whole debacle is to make the song marginally more offensive than it had been in my head. A stonking result for the BBC there, then.

--

And finally, to prove to Dave I'm not dead...

2007-11-18T19:04:00.000+01:00

We left home on Friday in persistent drizzle and it took about six hours to get to Oxfordshire. I've not been through the Cotswolds before, it's very pretty countryside and has some gorgous villages. The hotel was an old coaching inn, reputedly haunted by the ghost of a highwayman - his image was everywhere, looking backwards from his horse - so you would for example open the menu and be confronted with a large horse's arse. Nice.

The room was quite comfortable, albeit with a manky old blanket and mysterious stains on the bedspread - judging by the damp patch on the ceiling, they'd had a little accident at some point.

We descended to the bar for a pre-dinner drink - over £6 for two pints. Yeeouch. Still, managed to nab a couple of armchairs in the corner with the bookcase which was full of old editions of things like Keats, and My Family And Other Animals, and so on - the volume that caught my eye (no idea why) was King Solomon's Ring. Upon examination this turned out to be some kind of naturalist's treatise, but the chapter headings made me laugh - they included Pitying Animals and Laughing At Animals. Eh?

Dinner was served by a pretty French waitress and the tallest, thinnest waiter I've ever seen. Who tried to serve us someone else's soup, much to their indignation!

To start with we had pigeon salad with bacon lardons, pine nuts and raspberry jus (which met with my approval in the definition of the word salad stakes, in that it was minimal salad and lots of bits of meat). Never had pigeon before, but it was rather nice, quite dark, bit like venison. Also, overcooked, but hey ho.

For the main course, C. had rump steak with pink peppercorn sauce (which was brown - doesn't that rather defeat the object of using pink peppercorns?) and I had salmon on wilted spinach with langoustine sauce, which was rather violent orange and quite rich - we both agreed our courses were improved for scraping off the majority of the sauce heh. Also, could have done without the standard issue 'lump of cauliflower, pile of radioactive carrots and a few beans' on the side. But still, nice enough.

The raspberry mousse I had for dessert didn't really taste of anything though, on a sad and soggy sponge base. C. had strawberries and cream in a brandy snap basket, which seemed okay, and we had coffees and a very nice bottle of wine (actually in a big silver ice bucket on a stand, which I was possibly over excited about.)

Saturday was the day of the track thing. We started out with the breakfast buffet, where you can basically have whatever you want from huge trays of sausages and bacon and eggs and all sorts, or cereals, or fruit, or even danish pastries. I'd quite like a day in that room, actually...Oh, and the second tallest, thinnest waiter I've ever seen. I think they must be breeding them specially. This one looked like Egon from the Ghostbusters, and I kept expecting him to burst out of the kitchen with a powerpack on his back and Slimer wrapped round his head...

Anyway.

We eventually found the right airfield entrance, after bothering a big American security guard at the wrong one - please don't shoot us sir - and the airfield was ace, full of miles of creepy old deserted hangars. Just begging for an episode of the Avengers. The U Drive track day people were all together, so there were people waiting not only to drive the Caterham and Lotus that C. was booked in for, but also two red Ferraris, silver and yellow Porsches, and Subaru and Mitsubishi rally cars. The Lotus was the prettiest, but boy did the Ferrari make the best noise. If ever there was a noise that could be described as knicker-elastic-snapping, that would be it.

It was misty and cold and windy, but not actually raining which was good. C. went in the Lotus first and then the Caterham, for which he had to take off one of his shoes because the pedals are so close together! He was ranked 83% and 88% respectively, and did not stall (unlike one guy in the Porsche) or drive over the cones (like one guy in the Ferrarri) although he did get lost in the Lotus and get an extra lap out of it...

Afterwards we made our chilly way to Woodstock, and had a steak sandwich in the Marlborough Arms, having managed to bag the leather sofa in front of the log fire. Ahh....We had a walk round afterwards, it's an intensely pretty town full of shops selling shiny things at the price of small council houses. We were going to go into the grounds of Blenhiem Palace, but it was £7.50 for the privelege, so we decided bugger that and went instead to see the Rollrights Stone Circle which was amazing - such weird stones, all pitted and knarled. The sun was setting in a wintry sky (it was only about 3pm at this point!) and it was very peacful, we had the circle to ourselves, despite there having been other people milling about in the layby. We walked around the edge of the field to see the Whispering Knights, and then back over the road to see the King's Stone - very odd shape, gives the impression it's spinning, everything's at an odd angle.

Stopped off in Chipping Norton for a hot chocolate pitstop, then back to the hotel briefly before going in search of dinner. The original intention was to see if we could eat in the place we'd originially been booked ion to stay, as the menu had sounded good, but we couldn't find it in the dark, so follwing my beer radar, we ended up at the Crown and Tuns in Deddington, which is a pub that specialised in pies! It had a log fire, and decent beer (Old Hooky) and I had beef and ale pie. And chips. Mission successful.

Sunday - more breakfast buffet joy (and Egon) and then the trip back, mostly in the pouring rain - although Oxfordshire saw us out in style by snowing on us!!

Oh, and we parked next to an Aston Vantage in Exeter services...

-

AA website directions

2007-10-17T14:59:00.000+01:00

At T-junction, turn right onto the A44
Bear left on the A44
At mini-roundabout, turn left onto the A44

Eh?

So - is that like really small slices, or oriental?

2007-10-17T11:58:00.000+01:00

Perusing the web for accommodation for an upcoming jaunt to Oxfordshire, I've just discovered one place offers on its menu "Beef and Ale Pie - chinks of beef in rich sauce with crusty puff pastry top."

--

Meh.

2007-10-06T09:59:00.000+01:00

Is this a cold I see before me? Actually, it appears to be more like tonsilitis, and I consequently spent about four days lying on the sofa occasionally whimpering pitifully if it looked like being of any use.

(On day one, I put the duvet on the sofa, inserted a hot water bottle, arranged a couple of cushions. Left the room to make something to eat, came back, and the cat had inserted herself under the duvet at the hot water bottle end. Hmph.)

Anyway, went back to work when the alternative was being dragged kicking and scraming to the doctor.

So what else is new and exciting? Well, went to the Trengilly Wartha for dinner with some friends last Saturday, lamb shank and mash, very nice too. The downside being the table of hoorays across from us that found themselves hysterical.

Why is it some people just cannot talk quietly? What makes them think the entire bar is interested in their conversation? Also, there were halogen lights on runners above us, and they decided they didn't like the spotlight on them. Fair enough, but they swung it round so it was pointing directly into my face. And when I said "yeah, thanks for that," holding up my hands to avoid blindness, they moved it away with very bad grace. When the waitress came to see if she could help, they said "We can't point it that way because she doesn't like it," pointing at me. You do that again sweetcheeks, I'll bite it off.

In other news, I have grated my thumb knuckle. Ow.

Note to self

2007-09-25T18:30:00.001+01:00

When running out the door at the end of the day, try to remember that you came to work in pair of shoes better suited to walking long distances before you're halfway down the road.

I currently have two pairs of comfortable shoes lying uselessly under my desk at work, and have yet again come home in the wrong pair.

A short aside

2007-09-24T18:10:00.001+01:00

There can be few more disconcerting feelings than thrusting your hand into a coat pocket that you've completely forgotten you filled with conkers at lunchtime...

--

Harveys Wharf

2007-09-23T14:45:00.000+01:00

Harveys Wharf, Discovery Quay, Falmouth

You go in through a bar area with red leather banquettes, to a dining area that I should think is lovely during the day, as one wall is glass looking out over the harbour. The noise level was very high - popular place on a Saturday night - but it did mean you had to almost shout across the table to make yourself heard, and also the waiter had trouble hearing what we were ordering.

As a starter I had the potted shrimps - now I've had these elsewhere, and I'm fairly sure they're meant to taste of more than just the butter they were embedded in. It was a huge pot, relatively speaking, therefore very, very sickly. And why is it when a place offers something in this line that they never, ever provide enough bread to go with it? What am I supposed to do with the rest, smear it on my thighs? Don't answer that.

C. had ribbons of smoked salmon, which looked nice though.

For the main course, we both had rib eye steaks, and the waiter did his best to convince us we wanted a sauce with it - "but it really makes it" -"a red wine sauce? peppercorn?", "why don't you share one?" No, really, we don't want a sauce, we just want a nicely cooked steak, if it's all the same to you.

They were good though, when they came - I had mine medium rare, and it was lovely. If a bit fatty. I left a pattern of chewed fatty bits along the edge of my plate (yes, I know, lovely). Either C's steak was better, or he just ate the fat, but all his disappeared. The chips were nice, crisp and fluffy. It also came with a tangle of watercress, which I'm sure is a bonus if you like watercress.

C. had a chocolate caramel sundae for dessert, which seemed to go down well, and a hot chocolate, and I had a black coffee to finish off. All that, and a bottle of very nice wine for £60-something.

Oh, and when they brought the jug of water I asked for, the waiter said "would you like to keep hold of it?" and seemed faintly surprised when I said yes. I felt like saying, why, are we supposed to share? Apparently so, as he was doling it out a glass at a time to the couple on the next table, just wandering up and down with the jug. I'd like to pour my own when I need it, if it's all the same to you...

The loos were bright and clean, which is always a bonus. I set a lot of store on the state of a place's loos. Although the black and white chequered floor and walls were a little alarming - I thought I'd wandered into some deadly Dr Who booby trap, in danger of electrification if I trod on the wrong square...

So - pretty good. I'd go again, but I think I'd want to sit in the bar area, and I'd go straight for the main course.

--

It's a million to one chance - but it might just work

2007-09-21T11:44:00.001+01:00

We have, in the department, a walk-in cupboard lined with files. One wall of this is dedicated to one particular construction project, covering about ten years, in overlapping series with no index. Occasionally someone wants something, and we can never, ever find it. This morning, I was dispatched into the cupboard of doom to find a document, with no indication of who produced it, what it looked like, when it was dated, or, indeed, if it actually existed.

I took down a file at random, and there, the first document in the first section, was what I was looking for.

So - do you reckon I should go and buy a lottery ticket?

--

An Appraising Look

2007-09-20T12:40:00.000+01:00

Oh, heavens to betsy.

I have my yearly appraisal next Friday. This involves filling in a large form beforehand, to discuss with my line manager at the meeting.

It involves such taxing questions as:
"What do you enjoy most about your job?" (the cake)
"How do you think your department's objectives will affect your role?" (well last year they couldn't come up with any)
"Who/what could help you achieve your long term career plan?" (I don't have one)

It probably doesn't bode well that I've just had to ask said colleague "what's your job title?" and "what's our department called these days?" to fill in the first page (to be fair, we have just been re-orgainsed...)

--

Season of scarves and cosy wistfulness

2007-09-18T18:07:00.000+01:00

It's cold. It's the first really cold day of autumn. I suppose I've been clinging on to the idea that it's still summer, because we didn't really get one and the recent days have been deceptively sunny. But the rowan berries are fully red and the blackberries are almost over, and this weekend brings the equinox. From now on, the nights will be longer than the days, the mornings will taste of frost and the evenings will smell of woodsmoke.

I like this part.

--

Yo.

2007-09-17T18:00:00.000+01:00

I don't know, you spend the day fighting demons in a pocket dimension, and come home to find a month's passed. Damn time dilation effect.

So, what'd I miss?

--

Monkey Business

2007-08-08T11:11:00.000+01:00

This amused me - not for the random simian-smugglage, but for the line: When passengers noticed the fist-sized primate on the flight, they asked the man "if he knew he had a monkey on him."

2007-08-03T10:16:00.000+01:00

I got a selection box from Hotel Chocolat this week. Is it just me, or do Citrus Puddles and Macadamia Turtles sound like refugees from the latest Harry Potter?

It's the thought that counts...

2007-07-20T20:09:00.000+01:00

I bought a birthday card in Sainsbury's yesterday. Looking at my receipt it is listed as "STD For Her Card". Probably not quite the present she was after...

Poldhu & Church Cove

2007-07-10T17:03:00.000+01:00

Taking advantage of the brief return of decent weather, Saturday saw us heading to the beach at Poldhu on the
Lizard.

A spot of sun-snoozing and an ice cream (Roskilly's wild cherry, mmm) later, we walked up to the Marconi monument on the cliff top - site of the first radio message sent across the Atlantic in 1901. You can still see the concrete footings of the buildings that stood there (if you can get the cows to mooove out of the way) and the circular earthworks on the site of a revolving dish aerial.

Next stop was Church Cove - the church itself was locked on Saturdays sadly, but it's a very pretty setting. I even had a paddle. Wouldn't want to swim there, I have to say, just up to my ankles I could feel the current, and the pebbles were sucked out from under my feet with every wave. Even so, there were people in swimming.

Bend ze knees!

2007-07-07T11:56:00.000+01:00

So I arrive at the station yesterday, a good half-hour early, as it's Friday and I got released at 4.30 rather than 5. There is a rapidly-filling coach outside in the car park. Being of a suspicious nature, I approach the cross looking attendant.

"Sorry, where's this for?"
"What?" He glares at me, crossly.
"What train is this for?"
"Falmouth," he snaps, walking off.
I follow him, unsure if it's ok to get on, as there are people standing up all the way down the centre aisle, and people still waiting on the pavement.
"Can I get on?"
"What?" He goes back to talking to another attendant - they don't sound overly chuffed as it appears another train has been cancelled. Well guess what mush, we're the ones trying to get home and chances are we are considerably less chuffed than you and the least you can do is do your flaming job with some semblance of courtesty.
"Is it alright if I get on?"
He flicks me a dismissive glance and shugs. "Suppose so."

So I climb aboard and join the people standing in the gangway; I'm about three seats back from the driver. We're all hanging onto the luggage rack over the seats, like so many deranged monkeys.

There are still people waiting on the pavement, I think they've refused to stand. Good luck getting home then guys, because this coach will certainly be the replacement for a train that should have left over half an hour ago.

We set off, on a tour of the local stations that I know from experience will take at least an hour (the train takes 17 minutes). I assume it's rather like skiing - swaying from one side to the other, constantly shifting your weight in an attempt not to fall over. You certainly get a good view of the countryside from standing up in a coach though, I have to say.

Eventually, at the stop before mine enough people get off that I can finally sit down. I grab my bag form the overhead shelf - there is a large, disgustingly wet blob of chewing gum stuck to it. I peel it off and look for somewhere to put it. Settle for flicking it under my seat - however it sticks to my fingers and goes slightly off course. Am now worried it's hit the shoes of the person in the seat behind, but am too scared to look...

In the seat next to me is a person so huge they are literally taking up half of my seat as well. I am pressed unpleasantly against their thigh, my right leg perforce dangling in the gangway. I rather wish I'd stayed standing up.

When I finally get home, I go to wash the chewing gum residue off my hands and discover that the fingers of both hands are black with dirt from where I've been holding onto the carpeted luggage shelf. can I get me an "ewwww" please?

Maybe it was having cravings?

2007-07-06T13:04:00.001+01:00

Passing the maternity wing (no laxative jokes please) I walked behind a car that had its hatchback bit wide open. Looking in (being terminally nosy) there was a huge Alsatian lying in there, scarfing down a polystyrene tray full of chips and tomato sauce. Bizarre.

Genuine Spam?

2007-07-05T11:36:00.000+01:00

I've just received a junk email with the title "cantankerous pork chop". Sounds like a cryptic crossword clue to which the answer is Miss Piggy...

Tell them about the honey, mummy!

2007-07-04T09:48:00.000+01:00

You might think life is bad, but spare a thought for m'colleague's daughter's partner (still with me?) who works for an advertising company, and last week had to give a presentation - dressed in a Honey Monster suit. I've just seen a picture of it. It's enormous. And he could only see out of the mouth. Not embarrassing at all, no.

Balls?

2007-07-02T18:52:00.000+01:00

My favourite Wimbledon commentary so far this year: Morigami folded at last

A sense of perspective?

2007-07-01T18:32:00.000+01:00

It's not that often you get all the newspapers leading on the same story - the death of Diana, 9/11 and so on - so it made me laugh last Thursday to see in the hospital shop a row of newspapers all with the front page dedicated to the new Prime Minister ~~Harold Saxon~~ Gordon Brown - with, obviously carefully positioned right in the middle, the Daily Star, which was leading on the break up of Preston and Chantelle.

A Smashing Time

2007-06-24T11:50:00.000+01:00

Once upon a time, in a town far, far away, I lived for a year in a house which appeared to have magic kitchen lino - in so far as if you ever accidentally dropped something - even a glass - it would bounce.

I rather wish I was still there. In the last two days I have dropped - and smashed - a wine bottle (empty, don't panic) and a cat-food dish.

I am now somewhat nervously awaiting the third thing, because there will, inevitably, be one. I believe it's the rules.

However, on the educational front, I do now know exactly what a smithereen looks like.

and I even arranged for it to be sunny

2007-06-23T17:38:00.000+01:00

So today was the day of the Norfolk invasion.

Note to self: when arranging to meet someone at a pre-arranged time, it really would be sensible to remember to put your watch on before leaving the house... However, we managed the rendezvous - both lurking in the bestsellers section of Waterstones - with no hitches. With hindsight, we really should have arranged some sort of password - maybe sidling up with a muttered "the eagle flies at midnight", although I suppose that had rather embarrassing potential had we approached the wrong suspiciously lurking figure.

We made our way to Charlotte's Tea House, which I'd not been in before, but had come highly recommended. A proper, old fashioned tea shop, with cakes on a tiered stand and snooty waitresses in black dresses and white aprons. Dave and I had a cream tea, and the Husband had warm chocolate fudge cake and it was all oh-so-terribly-agreeable, doncha know.

I also apologised on behalf of the Cornish nation for the fact that it had been raining all week on him...

Bare-faced Cheek?

2007-06-21T14:30:00.000+01:00

So this weekend 2,000 naturists are apparently converging on the Eden Project.

Presumably they will be keeping well away from the cacti...?

Getting Shirty

2007-06-19T13:29:00.000+01:00

Just seen a lady in the canteen with a T-shirt bearing the logo "Home Education. A real option." How evil is it that I really wanted it to have a spelling mistake?

Taking the Piss?

2007-06-18T11:50:00.000+01:00

Someone has just called me with a query regarding an order for a urine extractor.

I laughed.

They didn't.

Oops.

15 men on a dead man's chest

2007-06-16T21:38:00.000+01:00

OK, so it's a surreal moment to wander into town and discover yourself in the middle of a sea shanty festival. Everywhere you go, groups of beardy men in stripy jumpers singing at you. Kept feeling like you were going to be pressganged...

WTF? You can't say that?

2007-06-15T23:35:00.000+01:00

Just seen a new advert for some sort of washing machine aid that lets you wash colours with whites and not turn all your knickers pink. The advert was bad enough but the tag line to it made me fall off the sofa in hysterics - "the proof is on the sheet".

Is it really? Good thing you're doing the washing then.

Honeytrap

2007-06-14T16:40:00.000+01:00

A swarm of bees took up residence on a lamppost outside Truro Cathedral last week.

The local paper announces today "Thousands of the striped creatures had inexplicably made a bee-line for the prime city centre spot" going on to be unable to resist describing it as a "hive of activity." Local reporting. Gotta love it.

Mood: Industrious

2007-06-13T13:43:00.000+01:00

We've lived here, what, four years now? Finally got round to defrosting the freezer yesterday (yes, and other exciting stories). There is something quite satisfying though, about heaving out sheets of ice the size of a polar ice cap. And then of course there's that vodka miniature lurking in the arctic depths, slivers of ice perfectly suspended in crystal liquid, precision chilled over three years. I even cleaned out the fridge as well, and was relieved to discover what I thought at first was a clump of monster mould, was in fact only a stray broccoli floret...

Welcome to the 20th century. What do you mean I'm late?

2007-06-12T19:25:00.000+01:00

So - yeah. I now have Broadband - yee-haw!

So to celebrate, a new and shiny (well, greener anyway) template. And you never know. I might get back into posting more than once a month. If you're unlucky.

Kilpeck Church

2007-05-05T13:39:00.000+01:00

Drove back to Cornwall, stopping off to see Kilpeck Church, particularly the sheela-na-gig carving. It's a beautiful, really peaceful spot and an amazing church to find tucked down a leafy little lane. Heard a cuckoo in the trees, first one I've heard for years and years.

Clun and the Waterdine

2007-05-04T12:34:00.000+01:00

Our 1st wedding anniversary!

Walked around Clun, up to the castle and round the village. The castle is having work done on it, with men and scaffolding so didn't like to go too close and ferret around. Bought a couple of cards and a PD James in the antique shop, and walked up to the church. Looked at the ducks on the river (also the Clun) and took a picture of the 14th century packhorse bridge.

Drove down to Llanfair Waterdine to suss out where the restaurant is for this evening - just as well as we completely missed it the first time through, it having a teeny-tiny sign behind a climbing rose painted the same colour as the building.

Drove up through Leintwardine to Craven Arms and went into Harry Tuffins, which is the local supermarket chain. And I use the term 'local' advisedly. Mind you, it did have Blue Dragon oyster sauce which Cornwall appears to have stopped selling completely, so yay.

Back to the cottage for packing and clearing up before going out this evening. Made pasta to eat on the journey back tomorrow before realising that we actually have nothing to eat it *with*. Oops. Still, it'll do for dinner when we get back, yes?

Drove back to the Waterdine for seven thirty. It used to be an old pub and is several hundred years old. We were directed to armchairs in the bar area where we selected a bottle of wine (Argentinian Chardonnay. Which was excelent. What do you mean did I just point at the one that said chardonnay and wasn't the cheapest?). They brought us appetisers of a teeny tiny hot cheese biscuity thing, straight from the oven, and a puff pastry smoked salmon thing. And a little pot of olives.

The (female) owner appeared and proceeded to bray loudly and at length at the couple behind us (the only others in the bar, and I think they were staying there) about how she went to Anthony's villa in March and wasn't it simply wonderful. Now, fair play, she can talk about what she wants, but this was so loud we'd have had to raise our voices to talk ourselves. And there was /no/ other noise in the room, and she was standing just in front of them. And she didn't draw breath for five minutes. When the other couple's table was ready and they disappeared (not having been able to eat their appetisers due to being talked at) we heaved a sigh of relief. Then she reappeared and came to talk at to us. Mercifully shorter but just as loud, and obviously not actually interested in anything we had to say, just making her presence felt.

We moved into the dining room (lovely little vases of fresh wild and garden flowers everywhere). It was a reasonably small room, and there were two other couples besides us. Two. There was a deathly hush over the room for a lot of the evening. The couple in the far corner conversed occasionally in whispers, and the older posher couple behind us (think retired Major, in fact we'd decided the whole place was ideal for a episode of Midsommer Murders) talked at normal volume which I was immensely admiring of and Chris found very irritating. We sort of murmured on a level in between. But seriously, it could have done with some background music or something.

Our starters arrived - Chris had Cornish crab with crispy salad (which appered to be the small bits of cucumber and tomato on top of the crab tower). I had smoked haddock mousse with cucumber and dill. Now the salmon mousse we'd had at the cottage had been fantastic, and I suppose I was expecting something like that. What arrived, was a rounded mound of bright yellow something, in a lake of equally yellow something, all flecked with green dill strands (one of which I discovered plastered to a tooth much, much later). I took a bite. Only, it wasn't a bite, because this had the consistency of very wet scrambled egg. So fortunately (or I don't know what I'd have done, because it didn't come with anything) there was bread on the table, and I mopped it up with that. It was - yellow, is about all I can say. And slightly fishy. And the texture was truely foul.

So the mains arrived, I had confit of salmon (I'm not entirely sure what confit means*, but I'm reasonably certain it doesn't translate as 'a piece') with onion risotto and creamed leeks and saffron sauce. The first mouthful gave the impression of a rather chlorine-y taste, which I thought for a heartsinking moment was the fish, but tracked down to the saffron sauce. So the generously sized salmon was nice enough, and the (very) little mounds of creamed leeks were ok. The risotto was rather claggy and not the best I've ever had, but hey, it was edible.

Chris had loin of Gloucester Old Spot pork, which I thought was a bit tough and overdone, but he liked. Oh, the crackling was fantastic though. Celeriac mash, roast new potatoes and marjoram sauce. He gave it the seal of approval, but said there could have been more of it.

I had been going to have the crisp lemon tart with cassis sorbet, but when this was delivered to the couple behind us it looked like the sorbet was just a drizzle of purple round the outside. This obviously came as a surprise to the lady as well, as she queried it, and it turned out the waitress (or the chef, presumably, unless he'd gone to bed by this point) had forgotten it. So it arrived rather forlorn in a little metal cup. But I'd gone off the idea by then, and plumped for the iced strawberry parfait with strawberry and balsamic tart. The tart was a brandy snap basket with chopped strawberries (in a balsamic something, doubtless) and the parfait was indeed iced, so much so I thought I was going to break the plate getting the spoon through it. It was okay. The whole meal was okay, which is a shame, as at each point it had the potential to have been fantastic.

Chris had almond chocolate brownie with white chocolate ice cream, which disappeared reasonably fast so must have been good.

We went back to the bar/lounge for coffee, and were given squares of something dark chocolatey with bits of fruit in to go with it.

As soon as I'd put down my coffee cup the waitress/barmaid appeared and asked if we wanted anything else from the bar. I'd barely fnished saying no when she said 'oh I'll get you the bill then we can close up'. Erm. Okay, we'll be off then. Ten pm it was. Bye.

---
* Confit (French) is a generic term for various kinds of food that have been immersed in a substance for both flavor and preservation. Sealed and stored in a cool place, confit can last for several months, and can be reheated to extend its useful life. Well I'm fairly sure it wasn't that.

Hay on Wye

2007-05-03T12:31:00.000+01:00

An hour's drive south to Hay on Wye today, second hand book capital of the country! The weather started off cooler and misty, but by the time we got there it was blazing hot again.

There really are dozens of bookshops here, and they're all twisty ones with mysterious staircases and musty basements. It's fantastic. And they're not just antiquarian/expensive ones either, there's all sorts. Bought six books from various places (a Clive Cussler, 2 Garth Nix, a Jeanette Winterson, a Janet Evanovich and 'A Fete Worse Than Death', which I've been trying to get hold of for over a year).

We had lunch in the beer garden of the Blue Boar, I had the cassoulet (which was £13 but not bad, although could have done without the over-boiled carrot strips piled on the top) and Chris had a tomato and cheese bap.

It was probably a very boring day for Chris, who spent most of it waiting outside various bookshops for me. But apparently he made friends with a dog and a cat, so that's alright then.

We've managed to coincide our visit with them doing something to the direct road from the cottages to Clun, meaning every morning and evening going to and fro, we have to do a big loopy detour. The diversion is only in place this week. Typical.

Shrewsbury Abbey

2007-05-02T12:28:00.000+01:00

Today we headed north, to Shrewsbury, about 25 miles away. We parked opposite the Abbey, of which only the church of St Peter & St Paul remains. Our luck held in terms of avoiding inadvertant recitals, when we discovered that just as we arrived - 1pm on a Wednesday - should have been the start of a weekly free concert, but this week the organ was broken. We looked round - it houses part of the original shrine of St Winifred - and walked round the outside.

Walked across the bridge over the Severn into the town, of which much is timber framed. Very busy with traffic but very pretty, and a lot of shops.

Stopped off at The Old Post Office pub for a drink - sat outside in a little courtyard surronded by timber framed buildings. Moved on to look round the town - bought postcards. The museum was closed (for much of 2007), annoyingly.

Walked up to the castle - the later (Civil War) castle houses the Shropshire regimental museum, but you can go up to Laura's Tower which is a little turretty thing on the site of the original castle mound without paying the entrance fee. This has spectacular views to the north and east, including the Abbey.

Walked back through town along St Mary's and stopped at Cloisters teashop on Wyle Cop for a very nice piece of homemade coffee cake (me) and a good plate of BLT sandwiches (Chris). It was sweltering hot in there in the sun, so much so the icing was melting on my cake! (and no, that's not a euphemism).

Back to Clun by about five. Wilbur and Myrtle from the Bothy have been replaced by another couple and bugger me if this bloke wasn't sat outside staring at us too. He continued staring until I stood in the window and stared back, at which point he found something terribly interesting in his paper.

Have run out of wine. Cock.

Hereford

2007-05-01T12:18:00.000+01:00

Cloudless blue sky today, and really hot. Took the back roads south towards Hereford, through places called things like New Invention (and on the way home, Evenjobb. Wanted to know if there was a twin town called Oddjob). East of Leominster, through Bishop's Frome (saw an oasthouse but no hop bines) and Much Cowarne. Lots of orchards laid out around here, many of them relatively new. Lots of apple blossom blowing in the breeze.

Into Hereford and we headed for the cathedral cloisters coffee shop. Had a nice pot of tea, and I had a slice of strawberry cheescake. Good selection of homemade cakes available. We were sat in the sunny cloisters courtyard polishing these off, when who walks out of the cafe door but someone from work! "And I thought Cornwall was small!" he said.

Looked round the cathedral - walked right into an organ recital, which sounded spectacularly discordant and awful. A piece by John Challenger according to the leaflet thrust into my hand by the little man on the door (who also said "don't worry it's almost finished" heh).

Found the crypt and the tomb of St Thomas Cantilupe, and one of the chapels has new stained glass celebrating the life and works of Thomas Traherne.

Walked round the outside again, vaguely wondering where the chained library was. I hadn't known there was one, but then saw a sign, and now I wanted to find it. While I was surreptitiously staring at the Bishop's Palace gatehouse, eventually spotted a sign pointing to the chained library again, which turns out to be through the cafe and out the other side. £4.90 to look. And they don't even show you any of the books. They did have a copy of the prophecies of Merlin though. It's the biggest one in the country apparently, as the gnome in residence told us proudly (the library, not the prophecies). We also saw some medieval book chests that the bishops travelled around with. Oh, and the Mappa Mundi.

Walked past the Green Dragon Hotel, (that looked a bit too posh to wander into dressed as scruffs) and had a look round the musuem, which was small but free. And had a piece of 14th century human skin that had once been nailed to a church door. Bonus.

Wandered around the shops, found a good cheap second hand bookshop, bought a copy of Superstitions of the Countryside for 80p.

Made our way back to the car, bought monster ice creams - mine was a scoop of summer fruits (blackcurrant & raspberry) and a scoop of elderflower, and Chris had a scoop of blackberry & apple and a scoop of vanilla.

Drove back through Kington and Knighton, along the edge of Radnor Forest. Lots of bluebells up here, not a sign of the white pests littering Cornwall.

It's half past seven as I'm writing this, and it's still bright sunshine and blue skies. Bloody windy this far up the hill though, and our patio bit doesn't get the evening sun which is a shame.

Mouse on toast for supper. Oh alright, smoked salmon mousse then, compliments of the house.

Dolforwyn Castle & Mitchell's Fold Stone Circle

2007-04-30T12:16:00.000+01:00

Lost the morning due to waking up with a migraine. Ugh.

Ventured out around lunchtime, the weather being too good to waste. Over the border into Wales today, and up to Dolforwyn Castle. Spectacular views and no one else there until we left, which was great. Built in the 1270's. Dug up again more recently by York University...

Went in search of Mitchell's Fold stone circle next. Note to self: check the map before taking the first likely looking footpath, otherwise you will lead your expedition up the wrong hill and be left glaring at the stone circle perched irritatingly on the next hill over, with something of a large drop in between you and it.

Still, we got there eventually, and had it to ourselves. It's a Bronze age circle, of around 15 stones (from a possible original 30) remaining. Spectacular views from up on the hills, and the winding lanes are full of birds and flowers. And the occasional coach. Eek.

Got back around 5pm and had hot chocolate and Yorkshire tea loaf. Had the remains of the meatballs transformed into a pasta sauce for dinner.

Stokesay Castle and Ludlow

2007-04-29T12:06:00.000+01:00

In the cottage across from us are an older couple who were sat outside the previous evening - went to the window in the bedroom this morning to find him standing outside the door gawping up at me while munching his cereal, which was a bit off putting. I may have to buy a gun.

Had a fry up to fortify ourselves for our first expedition - the bacon was from the Wenlock Edge Farm and was smashing, and the local eggs were lovely too.
We are placed just outside the edge of the forest, and the garden is full of birds.
Went outside to say hello to the small yapper-type dog who was seeing off someone walking past on the bridleway. This appears to be Hetty. Sweet little thing, despite the barking.

After having both managed to concuss ourselves on the low-hanging, extremely solid glass lightshade over the table, the first stop of the day was Stokesay Castle. A fortified 13th century manorhouse with great hall and stone tower, this was a terrific place. The rooms are full of swallows darting in and out of the open stone windows and you can wander about as you like.

We were equipped with audio guides, which I hate, it means you're surrounded by people with things clamped to their ear and the hiss of other peoples' commentaries like walkmans on the train (or is it iPods these days, I dunno). Fortunately I had the guide book which was quite enough. You can also walk round the moat which we did - it was full of lilacs and apple blossom.

We then had a cream tea (well I did, what do you mean it was only just gone lunchtime?). Which was nice, although they're not going to bankrupt themselves by being over-generous with the jam.

Next stop Ludlow, which seems to be predominently made up of shops selling posh antiquey things for doing up your house - like the contents of the average Edwardian scullery at five hunderd times the price. It's very pretty though, lots of black-and-white timber framing. We only had two hours so did a fast tour of the castle and still had time for a beer, an ice cream and a trip round Tescos. Oh yes. No slacking on this holiday.

Ludlow castle is officially the bestest castle I have ever been in, it is full of spiral staircases and creepy rooms down dark passages and a huge keep you can go all the way to the top of. I thoroughly approve. And nobody made me take an audioguide either.

Having eyed up the large collection of motorbikes parked outside the castle gate,
we went into the Chocolate Experience to have ice creams - I had blackcurrant and cream and Chris had cappuccino and moccha swirl. We sat on a bench round the corner and talked to what I like to think was the castle cat.

Quick detour into Ye Olde Bull Pen Tavern (yes, I'm a sucker for timber framing) for a swift half and then it was Tescos for a bag of assorted breakfast pig products and off in seach of petrol.

The hedgerows are lovely at this time of year, full of flowers, and occasionally you can see a pair of ears sticking up from amongst the dandelions and then see a little rabbit peeking out at you (or, judging by the frequent state of the roads, flinging itself under your wheels, but that's not quite the Beatrix Potter image I was going for).

Oh, and on the topic of roadsigns, which we weren't - they're not very complimentary about their saints round here - so far we've been told that St Owen's cross and St Mary's round (oh, please yourselves. It made me laugh).
Back home to consult the maps for tomorrow's venture. And to try the Tyrrell's sausage and mustard crisps. Take a tip, don't. They're minging.

Tonight's supper was also brought to the door, green Thai chicken curry, very nice.

What I did on my holidays, part 1...

2007-04-28T12:00:00.000+01:00

Left Falmouth at 10:00, and had hot, hazy weather all the way up. Stopped off at Exeter services for coffee (remembered to pack the flask which was a good start, last year I left it sitting on the dining table). Brought food with us too - cold pizza and pork pie, the long-distance navigator's snacking of choice...

Two red Ferrarris zoomed past on the next stretch, which was a lot less galling than the point we were overtaken by a phlegm-yellow Smart car...

Stopped again for a pee at Gordano services - their loos are painted a radioactive bubblegum lime/yellow and their lights flicker. Eww.

Went over the Avonmouth Bridge which was fun (although the barrier is at head height so you can't see much other than mud). Still, the bridge is impressive. £5.10 toll to let you into Wales.

Drove through Monmouth (right through it, due to a slight miscalculation in navigatory directions, as I was scrabbling for a Fleetwood Mac tape as we were going through a tunnel: "Yeah, turn off here". Er, or not. Still, it was a very nice town, very bustle-y and pretty in the sunshine - felt a bit like Helston in looks/structure.

Back on route as far as the directions went, and it was north through Hereford and then past Leominster and Ludlow. The hills draw in on you, and you start imagining bandits. Well, I do...

Turning off the main road at Craven Arms (a town rather than a pub) it was about another eight miles to Clun (through Clunton - a town sign crying out for tippex abuse if ever there was one.)

After a bit of a false turning we eventually found the cottages at 16:30 and were greeted by the owners (Sue and Peter Murray) and their two dogs (Hetty and Jasmine. Little and large, but I don't know which one's which yet.)

There are three cottages, of which ours is Keeper's Cottage, and has its entrance further away from the others, which is good. Not that I'm antisocial or anything. Much.

Made of local stone (very local, the quarry is somewhere on this hillside) it's a relatively recent build, and is absolutely fantastic.

Downstairs has a very nice living/dining area with a well equipped kitchen at the end, and upstairs there is a lovely bedroom with bathroom off, in its own little room built out over the porch with a slipper bath.

Only quibble so far (no, I am never entirely happy, so sue me) is that there is no lock on the bathroom door - not *such* a problem, only there is no catch whatsoever. So it just sort of rests in the doorframe and swings gradually open. No, I know I'm not sharing the house with a horde of strangers but I like to be able to at least close the door. On the plus side, you can take your mind off this while sat on the loo by watching the rabbits frolic in the field opposite.

We have fabulous views down into the valley - one of the bedroom windows looks west and gets the setting sun - you can see right down to where Clun nestles in the valley - and if ever a town nestled anywhere, this most definitely does.

I had ordered eggs and milk, but we were also provided with complimentary local bacon, smoked salmon mousse, bread, Tyrrells sausage and mustard crips, and a small Victoria sponge cake (the latter of which we've already eaten).
At half seven, Sue brought our first ordered meal to the door - spicy meatballs with tagliatelle. How civilised's that!

We were too knackered to do much after dinner, other than drink wine and play cards - went to bed at ten. The valley was quite bright with moonlight.

Bosporthennis

2007-04-27T19:02:00.000+01:00

Last Sunday saw us take a trip down to Zennor, and the Gurnard's Head hotel. The intention was to meet up with friends for lunch before joining a guided walk run by the area's National Trust archaeological warden (a long walk after lunch? arse about face that, shurely?).

Anyway, we found the place, and some of the friends, and ordered lunch (after a very long wait for service but then they were very busy). They brought out slices of homemade bread, warm from the oven while we waited, which was heavenly (although with only one tiny slice of butter between the four of us, which we eked out being too scared to ask for more).

When the food arrived it was definitely worth the (slightly higher than normal for pub) prices - the quality was higher than most restaurants. There was a small selection of starters/mains/desserts (three of each I think) allowing them to prepare the best food I've eaten out on in a long time.

Battered hake was probably the freshest fish I've ever had and the chips were crunchy on the outside and fluffy on the inside, just how the likes of Gordon Ramsey are always banging on about. Up till now I'd always thought 'yeah-yeah, a chip's a chip'. Now I know better. It came with a pot of - I'd guess it was some sort of herby tartare sauce but I've no idea. Nice though. No ketchup and no offer of any. Too scared to ask for any and thus look like a pikey.

The other two had the tomato lasagne which was fabulous, and was also declared so by the member of the party who'd ordered it despite not liking lasagne, as it was the only veggie option.

After lunch and another drink (good selection of local beer) and the arrival of another member of our party - fortunately, being the only one who knew what the walk guide looked like - we ventured out.

Completely failing to find any sign of the group, we struck out on our own, and were soon heading up a footpath between Carn Galver and Hannibal's Carn. The weather was overcast but dry, and the ground was covered in bluebells, violets and wood anemones.

Striking out to our left up Hannibal's Carn, we spotted a likely looking group gathered down in the next valley. It was indeed the missing group (we never did find out if we had the time wrong) and we joined up.

We were just in time to be shown round the beehive hut/possible above-ground fogou at Bosporthennis, and Iron Age/Romano British courtyard house. On the way back towards the road we struck off on our own again to see a quoit that they'd looked at on the way up (second pic).

Down here in the valley, the gorse was in full vivid bloomand the sun finally came out, to round off a very nice day out.

Change is bad

2007-04-14T12:23:00.000+01:00

So I've finally been forced by the prompt boxes of evil into switching to blogger2. Which means I now have to remember that to log in I need a different email address, and then a different password from what I would usually use for that email address. What? Eh? I'm confused now.

Also, why does the flaming site not remember that I'm logged in anymore? I never had to re-log in before, and now I have to pretty much every time.

And now it wants me to upgrade my template too.

By upgrading, you will lose many of the changes that you previously made to your template.

Why, exactly, would I want to do that then?

Pah.

-

Glendurgan Gardens - Easter Monday

2007-04-14T11:33:00.000+01:00

The gorgeous weather over the Easter weekend warranted a trip out somewhere - but somewhere not too far away, to avoid the inevitable swarms of people clogging up the highways.

So we went to Glendurgan Gardens in Mawnan Smith. Having lazily left it till lunchtime to go out, there were cars queuing out to the road. Still, it was only about a ten minute wait in the end, and the attendant directing the cars wasn't too hard on the eyes either.

The gardens are large enough to swallow even a capacity car park and wandering round it never felt too crowded or uncomfortable.

Everywhere there were carpets of primroses and violets and in some places the early bluebells were coming into flower. The camelias and magnolias were almost over, but there were still some very pretty displays.

We walked down one side of the valley and sat on the beach at the bottom. The Helford was calm and sparkling, with some very expensive looking yachts in evidence. The water's edge was lined with small boys skimming stones.

Then back up the other side of the glen, past the maze (full of small children parents had obviously herded in to get rid of them for a good twenty minutes).

We had intended to go for a cup of tea, but their signage could do with some improving as all we could find were the plant sales and the loos. So we drove the ten minutes home and had tea in the garden. Job done.

Marketing to inspire confidence

2007-04-13T11:24:00.000+01:00

"Advertisers waiting to here from you"

Happy Easter

2007-04-08T07:42:00.000+01:00

Wishing everyone a very Happy Easter!

More Radio 2 wittering

2007-04-06T17:23:00.000+01:00

Having been moving from room to room doing various things it's just dawned on me that every radio in the house is already tuned to Radio 2. I'm not sure what this says about me, but I'm fairly sure it's not terribly hip.

Also, "seized by the Iranians" should not sound so funny.

Dara O'Briain in tones of awe: "In Cornwall they have a Gnome World". Yes, yes we do. Erm, sorry.

Richard Hammond on Radio 2

2007-04-06T14:41:00.000+01:00

Just made me giggle insanely by saying "Izzy, this is for you darling".

Yes, I am deeply sad.

To earth we return

2007-04-05T09:49:00.000+01:00

Well, we had the burial yesterday, only four weeks later than we were lead to expect, the C of E doth grind rather slow.

It was a beautiful Spring day, blue sky, sunshine, birdsong, the chestnut trees coming into leaf. The spot is lovely, overlooking the town and the bay.

The ceremony was short, only five minutes, but even so the vicar had to follow the text in his little laminated book with his finger. Not the most passionate leader of ritual I've ever witnessed, have to say. Still, did the job.

Back for tea and chocolate tart.

-

headdesk

2007-03-29T12:20:00.000+01:00

A man came this morning to change a lock on an office door. I took him to see the door in question, whereupon he asked me if I had a key to it.

Well, no, that's why we need it changing. If we could lock it, we wouldn't need a new one, it's not just that we got bored with this one.

Then he rubbed his chin and said - "Well, I haven't got a lock with me, I'll have to go and get it." But you came to change the lock? You knew that. Your office is on the other side of the site. And now it's started to rain and you're going to get wet, hah!

--

Was just speaking to someone off site, and they asked for another member of staff's home phone number. It wasn't till I'd read it out and hung up that I realised I'd just read out the number that she was actually on herself, cos it was the same area code....oops!

More Teabagging...

2007-03-28T12:50:00.000+01:00

Heh - someone in the office has returned from a meeting in a posher office with a pocketful of complimentary teabags. He's working his way through them and trying to convince me to try them. So far, they all look like pot pourri and smell like shampoo.

Back off man, I'm strictly a Tetley girl!

(the posh pecan and chocolate chip biscuits were nice though!)

Weird.

2007-03-27T09:32:00.000+01:00

I was walking down the corridor just now (through enemy territory) and a teabag (unused) flew out of a room to land at my feet. WTF?

Conversations I have had:

2007-03-24T10:32:00.000+01:00

Manager: "Do we have a departmental camera?"
Me: "Yes"
Manager: "Can I borrow it to take photos of my holes?"
Me: " ! "

Adventures In Catering

2007-03-20T16:16:00.000+01:00

I have just purchased a prawn and cucumber roll from the canteen deli bar.

Firstly, I had to shout at her to stop her putting evil NHS marge in it, despite having just asked me if I wanted it and received the clear answer 'no'.

Then she handed me a box that turned out to have a bottom completely coated in mayonnaise (not as much fun as it sounds).

Finally, I get the roll back to the office only to discover it contains, delicately balanced upon the prawns, precisely two slices of cucumber.

I'm not sure whether to eat them or frame them.

Weird World

2007-03-12T17:17:00.000+01:00

Two news stories that I really shouldn't find this funny:

The number of people diagnosed with syphilis has risen in Cornwall. [BBC]

An online gambling site is taking bets on whether Heather Mills' artificial leg will fall off during her upcoming appearance on "Dancing with the Stars." [Reuters]

Two Go Mad On The Roseland

2007-03-10T20:00:00.000+01:00

Absolutely beautiful day today, and we went to St Mawes and beyond (I think I've seen that film...). To get there, went on the King Harry Ferry, which is the first time I've ever been on it, and it's suitably entertaining. For those not local, it's a car ferry across the river, pulled on two big clanking chains, with perspex sides to see through. £6.50 though, rip off?

From there to St Mawes, where we went round the castle. Got given audio commentary things*, which for a start makes you feel like you're looking round with a mobile phone clamped to your ear which is irritating enough, but as soon as it got to the dodgy 'local' accent acting bits I gave up and just explored, which was far more fun. Lots of spiral staricases and views across the bay back to Falmouth. Kind of odd seeing it from this angle. ~~As the art mistress said to the gardener.~~

Then we drove up to St Anthony Head (insert Buffy joke of choice here) lighthouse. The trees aren't in leaf yet, but the paths are edged with daffodils and violets and primroses, and it was all quite lovely.

Portscatho next, which wasn't where I thought it was, or rather, wasn't the place I was expecting it to be (does that make any sense whatsoever?). Almost drove into the sea when the road abruptly became water with no apparent warning signs. Bought ice cream in the shop, where I marched in the exit door and apparently got funny looks. Well, easily distracted by ice cream, me.

* I originally typed that as 'audio commentary thongs'. Which would have put a rather different complexion on the day...

Why I hate my neighbours - a continuing series

2007-03-03T11:44:00.000+01:00

Well, it's been a few months but - once more with the f***ing banging early on a weekend.

No, not that sort of banging you dirty lot.

Half past eight on a Saturday? You f****rs. It sounded like someone was trying to break through the wall into my bedroom. Or down from the attic. We've had banging, drilling, sawing. It's a quarter to eleven now and they're still going. There's a kitchen van outside, but they had a new kitchen, what, last year?

SHUT UP AND GO AWAY YOU B*****DS

Ahem. Sorry for the more-than-usually-sweariness of this post.

Hair-raising

2007-03-02T10:31:00.000+01:00

We had a leaflet through the door yesterday for a new hairdresser.

Their slogan?

A breath of fresh hair.

Now is it me or is that a really unappealing image?

Signs of the Times

2007-02-27T11:34:00.000+01:00

I've just seen a van painted with a band name - the something-something Quartet. It had two different pictures of them painted on it. And there's six of them. Eh?

And then I was in the bank, and the girl who served me had printed on her badge, under her name - I love chocolate. What? What is the point of telling me that, exactly? Did the next one down have I love anal sex? And the one after that Jesus is watching you?

Primeval

2007-02-24T20:58:00.000+01:00

"We may stand on the brink of armageddon. But at least we have an irritating student on our side."

Fantastic! Bloke gets swallowed by giant crocodile within the first few minutes. That's my kinda telly.

"If you get killed, can I have your ipod?"

This is SO unutterably bad. I love it.

Don't Fear The Reaper

2007-02-21T10:44:00.000+01:00

Ah, black coffee and a Cadbury's Creme Egg - the breakfast of champions.

Funeral today - a new jumper and a day off work, hey, I'm ahead already...

Anyway.

2007-02-19T11:33:00.000+01:00

We're moving offices at work at the moment. Can I just say you don't know the real meaning of pain until you've trapped a nipple between two laptops you've just taken off a shelf?

Despatches

2007-02-15T11:41:00.000+01:00

For those that knew him/of him, my step-father passed away on Tuesday.

He had been fighting cancer for several years, but they think it was a faulty heart valve that did for him rather suddenly during a routine blood transfusion.

Trengilly Wartha

2007-02-05T14:11:00.000+01:00

Went to the Trengilly Wartha on Friday night, as the final episode in a week of birthday celebrations.

Had slow roasted pork belly on an apple mash (allegedly - it was certainly nice mash, if not noticably appley) with a cider gravy. Ooh, and a bowl of veggies. Stunning, really stunning (could have done with a squizz more of the gravy, but a minor quibble).

The boys both had steaks, which were cooked a beautifully perfect medium rare. Which was unfortunate, as they'd both asked for them to be well done (yes, yes, I know).

Not so much 'Explorer' as 'eaten by cannibals'

2007-02-05T14:07:00.000+01:00

Have given in to the incessant prompting of my computer at home, and upgraded to IE7. The new look is quite nifty, now I'm getting used to it, and the tabs thing is handy.

However.

The first time after installing it that I tried to close down the machine, I got the blue screen of death (for the first time ever on this computer). And now IE won't work at all on the computer's other log-in. AND, now the disconnect prompt doesn't work. Normally, you close IE and it says 'would you like to disconnect?' - click yes, job done. Now, however, you click yes, come back an hour later and discover you're still connected. So you click the network icon, and hit disconnect there as well. But that's not the end of it, oh no. It now provides a network icon for what appears to be every window and tab that you have opened. But it won't show them to you all at once. So you have to open each one and disconnect repeatedly for ages before you're finally offline. ARGH.

'm gonna have to get Broadband...

Thirty it is, then...

2007-01-29T12:00:00.000+01:00

Does that mean I'm a grown-up now?

Came in to work this morning to discover a Happy Birthday banner plastered across the door to the department. Then another one on the door to the office. Then jumped slightly when I focussed on another one pinned above my desk. It's rather like they're circling me...

Although I have to say, it is very nice to come in and find pink champagne, organic chocolate truffles and a book token on your desk. Brightens up a Monday no end!

Cue Countdown Music

2007-01-28T19:38:00.000+01:00

Well. This is it. The last day of my twenties. Eep!

Family fish 'n chips, stewed rhubarb (no, this is a good thing, really) and later, the return of Top Gear. Yes, I'm obviously old now, as this is what's making me happy...

Although of course not one but TWO fabulous meals out yesterday (and not inconsiderable amounts of wine) kicked off the birthday weekend in style. AND, no hangover. Bonus.

And tomorrow, work are taking me out ~~to get shitfaced~~ for a meal. I may well reach 31 before I regain consciousness...

Things that bug me: an occasional series...

2007-01-24T13:37:00.000+01:00

Sign on door: "Due to circumstances, this office will be permanently closed until further notice."

Surely, if there is to be a future re-opening, then it's not permanent? And if it is permanent, the sign could have stopped there, yes?

(And what were the mysterious circumstances? An unexpected assassination, perhaps?)

Oh what a beautiful mooooor-ning...

2007-01-23T11:00:00.000+01:00

Today is one of those days where you really wish you worked outside. It's freezing cold, but the sky is blue and the sun is shining and it's all just utterly beautiful.

As an added bonus, this morning m'colleague said "D' you want anything from the canteen?" (meaning in the muffin line) and jokingly I said "ooh, full English?" We laughed. And 15 minutes later she was back and had bought me a full English in a takeaway box. How feckin' marvellous is that?

AND, I've got the afternoon off beacuse I did overtime.

Alright, I'll stop gloating now.

*gloats sneakily*

Technology. Here to help.

2007-01-19T12:15:00.000+01:00

And this week's edition of WTF? is brought to you courtesy of WH Smith. Clutching £30-worth of book tokens, I presented at the till the three new Torchwood books (buy one get one half price, which is somehow really annoying when there's three) and a Garth Nix book, marked half price.

Firstly it was apparently necessary for me to explain that yes, I did realise that it was two separate offers and I didn't think I was getting two lots of buy-one-get-one-half-price. Then there was trouble in trying to get the till to recognise that there was an offer involved at all. Then the Nix book scanned in at full price, necessitating much cross stabbing of the touch-screen to reduce it to the sticker price. Then all hell broke loose when I handed over my tokens. Yes, yes, I realise I will have to have my change in tokens, yes I am quite happy with this.

But oh no, foolish mortal, this will not be so easy! For reasons I am still not entirely sure of, it is apparently impossible for their till to simultaneously recognise the offers, the tokens, and the fact that it needs to provide tokens as change.

So she cancelled the whole transaction and started again. (All this time, I am getting filthy looks from the queue forming behind me). Eventually, I was asked if I could pay £3.96 and take one of my tokens back to use later instead. Not exactly ideal, when you consider the point of a book token gift is that you don't have to use your own money.

And, AND, what I've only just noticed looking at the receipt - because she cancelled and re-did the transaction, she didn't re-swipe my reward card, thus doing me out of £23.96-worth of points! Gah.

Charity begins in Devon

2007-01-17T11:42:00.000+01:00

Received a letter in the morning post from the National Trust. As a "valued local member", they are after a donation for their latest project.

Now this is the restoration and opening to the public of Greenway, Agatha Christie's house in Devon, and I thought at first, ooh, that would be great, I might even give them a fiver. And then I read down to the bit that says "With your gift of £25 or more today..."

Now my question is, would they not be better off leaving it up to the recipient to decide how much they want to give? Because I know I could still send off £5, and that that would be better than nothing - they could gas the woodworm in one windowsill or something. But I can't afford £25, so now I'm not inclined to send anything, and they've lost out completely.

£25, you start thinking, would be better off spent on digging wells in Africa or somesuch. It won't get there, of course. I'll end up spending it on chips. And maybe a second-hand Agatha Christie.

"Your piggy did a wee"

2007-01-16T13:37:00.000+01:00

Finally got to see The Hogfather last night, and thought it was absolutely amazing. Almost exactly like I imagined it, which is pretty impressive.

Ian Richardson makes a brilliant Death. (In the book, does Death actually say "you might think that, but I couldn't possibly comment?" Or was it purely an in joke? And if it is in the book, did Terry nick it from House of Cards in the first place? Ooh, my head hurts.)

Nobby wasn't quite as peculiar looking as I felt he should have been, but that's a fairly small niggle. Also Marc Warren was obviously trying to do Johnny Depp's Willy Wonka (if you'll pardon the expression), and coming out more like Sandra Dickinson's Trillian, but he certainly looked right.

Loved the little touches, like the fairy lights hanging on the University Tower as you zoomed in, and the way the Hogfather's pigs trotted across the sky. And the Born to Rune wizard's jacket. And the 'Anthill Inside' sticker on Hex.

[/gushing]

A Very Local Shop

2007-01-13T15:38:00.000+01:00

Once again, my suspicions have been confirmed that the staff in our local shop only have one brain cell between them. I just bought a paper and a card, which came to a total of £2.39. Now, I'd already thrown the cashier by having my own bag, but placing £2.40 in her hand was obviously a complication too far. She stood and looked at it for a while, then hesitantly held it out to me again. I looked back at her, in a "yes, and?" sort of way. She looked at the coins again. You could almost see the lips moving as she counted it up. "Oh. Sorry, I thought for a minute you'd given me too much." WTF? Yes, technically, I have given you too much, a problem you can rectify by giving one of your new shiny pence in return. Gah.

Just another five minutes...

2007-01-12T11:50:00.000+01:00

Fell asleep again after the alarm went off this morning, leading to the mad scramble that is a ten minute window to get up, get dressed, get train and get conscious (in that order). This has obviously screwed any chance I had of functioning on any meaningful kind of level today.

I've just spooned filter coffee into my mug rather than the cafetiere. I stood there looking at it, vaguely wondering what was wrong with this picture, then let go the bag to pick up the mug, and spilled coffee (I can't even think of the right word for it - is it grounds? or is that after you've used it?) all over the work surface.

Can I go back to bed now please?

[EDIT:] This morning also saw me standing in the office rubbing myself with sellotape... No, too tired for kinkiness, had grabbed a (black) velvet top from the clean laundry pile on the grounds it didn't need ironing - once a/ properly awake and b/ in daylight, I realised it was covered in bits of white fluff. I look like I've been mauled by lambs.

What's In A Name?

2007-01-10T15:41:00.000+01:00

Y' know how you can be idly staring at something, when you suddenly twig the funny?

I present a house-name that I saw last night - "Helland Bach". Yes, ha ha.

Almost on a par with the (sadly fictional) firm "Norfolk and Goode"...

Twelfth Night

2007-01-06T22:34:00.000+01:00

So, I appear to have gone a week into the New Year without posting. Oops.

Took the tree down the evening, which is always sad. Am I *really* anally retentive, to insist that all the ornaments go back into the same boxes they came out of, the same boxes, indeed, that they were purchased in?
~~Yes.~~

So, New Year's Resolutions then:
> Clean out the microwave (seriously. it's minging.)
> Complete the things on my to-do list. Some things have been on there for three years (renew passport, for example). And then there's 'get wedding pictures printed'. Hey, it was only last May...
> Be more adventurous in cooking. Got a 3-tier steamer for Christmas, and have just done boiled potatoes, fillets of salmon studded with fresh ginger and steamed leeks. On one ring. Go me!

Mouseicidal Maniacs

2006-12-29T13:24:00.000+01:00

Came home on Thursday to find a new present under the tree. Thought at first it was a baby mouse, because it was quite small. Closer inspection proved it to be - half a mouse. Ick.

First Day Back

2006-12-27T14:52:00.000+01:00

Well, that wasn't too bad.

Get into work (dropped off, rather than having to face public transport).

Get through three coffees, mince pies and Christmas cake whilst swapping respective Christmas gossip with m'colleague.

Get sent home again because there's nothing to do. Result!

Merry Christmas

2006-12-25T10:39:00.000+01:00

May your balls jingle and all your toy mice be fully wound!

Get Your Titles Here...

2006-12-22T19:35:00.000+01:00

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:
Her Royal Highness Izzy the Sardonic of Fishkill St Wednesday
Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

Mummy, Mummy why's that man dressed as a Christmas tree?

2006-12-22T19:22:00.000+01:00

What is it about Christmas that suddenly the world is full of people in fancy dress, all looking REALLY cross? I don't think British people really take to being made to dress up (when they're stone cold sober, anyway). The other day I was served by lunch by a particularly murderous looking fairy, and then in Tesco's narrowly avoided being flattened by a large box of mini cheddars thrown angrily to the ground by a shelf stacker in some sort of dog outfit. So if you discover a recently purchased cheesy snack is predominantly small fragments of trampled dust, blame whoever decreed all staff must wear festive fancy dress...

Update - checklist

2006-12-20T20:18:00.000+01:00

So it's been a busy sort of week:

Christmas cake baked - check
Christmas tree up and decorated - check
Cards written and posted - check (mostly anyway, ahem.)
Presents bought and wrapped - check
Recently received cheque paid in - check (ah ha hah...)

Also a notable week for having lost proper internet connection for a couple of days arrghh nononono due to a dodgy connection box type thing. Probably because of the extremely damp wall...also, saw the landlord for the first time in two years, heh (not due to the damp).

Anyway, um, Hi, I'm not dead. Will try to post more often now...

Public Rant-sport

2006-12-13T15:55:00.000+01:00

So the train wasn't, due to a signal failure. No problem - there's a coach waiting outside. So up I go, and stand waiting five minutes for the driver to finish his phone conversation. Which he eventually does, and gets out and makes to walk past me without stopping, despite the fact I've obviously been waiting to speak to him. So I collars him, I do, and ask politely if this is the bus to Falmouth. No, he says, there's another one coming and he's just on stand-by in case it over-loads. So I wander back to the front where I can see to read my book, and wait 20 minutes. At which point the ~~twat~~ driver starts up the bus and lets everyone on, me now being at the back of the queue and in danger of not getting a place at all! Grrrrrr.

Feeling Shelfish

2006-12-07T20:37:00.000+01:00

Oooooh. I have a new bookcase! A friend was getting rid, and asked if I wanted it, and of course I said yes...and it's here!

This gives me free reign to buy more books (doesn't it? yes, of course it does...).

Now there is the small problem of finding somewhere to put it...anyone who has seen my house knows it is already crammed to bursting with various piles of tat.

I'm going to have to move furniture about like pieces in one of those small square interlocked picture puzzle things (I'm sure they have a technical name, but I'm buggered if I know what it is).

Still, nothing like a bit of a challenge...

Why....?

2006-12-05T19:57:00.000+01:00

Why do eBay only send me item ending or outbid reminders the day after the fecking thing has gone?

Why do Sainsbury's do half-size tins of kidney beans but not of chick peas?

Why do people say they will attend meetings and then not bother to turn up?

Answers on a postcard.

Plymouth - Ho!

2006-12-02T19:21:00.000+01:00

Went to Plymouth on the train today. There was a mother and little kid wittering behind us for most of the way. When the kid went to the buffet car, had to stop myself laughing out loud when the mother said "If it's more than three quid, you're shit outta luck" (has to be imagined in a Cornish accent).

Plymouth station loos are very strange. The doors have frosted glass in the top, so people can see you sitting on the toilet. Eww.

Wandered round the shops, mostly avoided the rain, had fabulous pig-inna-bap, closely followed by hot doughnuts.

And my favourite stall sign of the day, for perfumed flora-craft: "Sented Wooden Roses". Oh dearie me.

The Kindness of Strangers

2006-12-01T11:27:00.000+01:00

So there we were this morning, waiting for the train as usual. And waiting. And waiting. A woman phones up to discover 'woss on', and is told there's a tree on the line, and no trains. A bus is coming. Probably.

We wait some more. No too bothered yet, as I've got a warm coat, a packet of polos and a copy of 'May on Motors' to keep me occupied.

One colleague is on leave today, so I text the other to say I might be late. Get a reply straight back to say her car won't start. Ah. Maybe we should just go back to bed.

An hour later my feet hurt (crap shoes and nowhere to sit because everywhere's wet) and my fingers are freezing because I've forgotten my gloves. M'colleague has made it to work, but we've remembered she'll be out at a meeting most of the morning, so if I don't get there the office won't be manned (womaned?) and someone's bound to whinge.

People are turning up for the 'next' train now, and there's still no sign of transport. We could get a bus, but this would involve a/ walking into town, b/ paying two or three times as much and c/ everyone feels instinctively that as soon as they wander off, the coach will arrive.

A chap I see most mornings then says he can give a lift to three desperate people. Those next to him look at him suspiciously. I catch his eye and nod hopefully. "Yeah, I'm desperate" I say. As introductory lines go, this is obviously a corker.

Turns out his mum has come to pick him up. So we drive to where he works, and then his mum is kind enough to drive me on up to the hospital. I get to the building just as m'colleague is leaving for the meeting, so "just in the knicker", as they say.

Much obliged, Mister (and Mister's Mum).

Carn Brea

2006-11-29T20:45:00.000+01:00

Went up to the top of Carn Brea on Sunday (not been up there since I was about 10 and the school made us climb up the steep, bracken and bramble covered side, only to reveal when we got to the top that there was a perfectly good road going up the other side). Had an amazing view, it was a really clear day (bloody windy though) – could see for miles in every direction.

(Image nicked from www.saint-illogan.org.uk because we didn't have the camera with us.)

CatFish

2006-11-29T20:36:00.000+01:00

So the other night we had fish and chips. Having left half my fish on my plate with the vague intention of finishing it later, this plan was somewhat foiled by the realisation that Molly was up on the table, having pulled it off the plate and was steadily demolishing it, batter and all! No wonder she’s a pudding on legs.

Yay, Capitalism

2006-11-25T18:39:00.000+01:00

Shopping in Penzance today - in between dodging the showers I bought a fab new Sarah Vivian print, a full-length black velvet coat and a plum coloured velvet dress (for office Christmas party).

Of course, I can't really afford to eat for a month now, but hey. 'Sworth it.

Fairies at the bottom of the garden?

2006-11-19T19:34:00.000+01:00

Brian Froud

2006-11-18T16:22:00.000+01:00

Brian Froud - he of Labyrinth, Dark Crystal and various faery/goblin based artwork fame - was back in Falmouth today, doing a signing at the bookshop. Last time he came I couldn't get a glimpse, as there was a queue of (rather oddly dressed) people right down the street. Happily today, possibly beacuse of the freezing rain showers, it was less packed, and I could go in and have a good stare. Today is turning out to be a very good day.

Euro-Millions

2006-11-18T16:18:00.000+01:00

I won!

Ok, more accurately I won £6.40.

Possibly won't be leaving the country for tax reasons just yet.

Still, wey hey!

Five Fings

2006-11-11T12:49:00.000+01:00

So, having been tagged by Dave for 'Five Things About Me':

Please Leave The Following In All Posts : 'Remember that it isn't always the sensational stuff that writers are looking for, it can just as easily be something that you take for granted like having raised twins or knowing how to grow beetroot. Mind you, if you know how to fly a helicopter or have worked as a film extra, do feel free to let the rest of us know about it.'

I've got a 1st class degree in archaeology (remind me again why I'm working in a hospital?)

I've never learnt to drive and I don't particularly intend to.

I've had poetry published in two magazines.

I once fed wild badgers by hand (wild? they were furious. har har.)

I keep a record of all the books I read, and have read 1,191 since September 1990.

Tagging in turn (if they can be arsed) Matt, Kell and Danny.

Ooh, the irony

2006-11-10T20:40:00.000+01:00

To free up the time to watch The River Cottage Treatment on Thursday night, we dined on oven chips and fish fingers. Sorry Hugh....

Tourist Dis-information

2006-11-07T19:04:00.000+01:00

A colleague had to book accommodation in Newmarket for tomorrow night. Short of time and not knowing what was available in the town, she called the Tourist Information office there, and was bemused to be told - "Sorry, we're not allowed to recommend hotels." Er - that's not terribly helpful, is it?

Something In The Air

2006-11-03T12:47:00.000+01:00

Was sent a link to Nothing Nasty (natural skincare products), and perusing the stock list of moisturisers and bath salts etc was slightly puzzled by the category "Space Clearing". Is there something deeply wrong with my psyche that my first thought was laxatives? Turns out, it's air fresheners...

Summer's End

2006-10-31T19:58:00.000+01:00

Happy Hallowe'en. Here's this year's effort...