Monday, December 05, 2005

Rather non-PC

Got in to work this morning to discover that I can't log on to my computer. Belatedly remember that things went tits up on Friday after I'd tried to log on to the works laptop, before having to hustle off to a meeting. Fight my way through the IT helpdesk queue 'You are currently 58th in line*. If you have a non-urgent query, please press 1 to leave a message'. You really think I'd be hanging around in an automated queue at three minutes past nine with a non-urgent query? The line only opens at nine, how many people can have that many problems first thing on a Monday?

Eventually get through, to someone very pleasant and no help whatsoever. She says she'll pass it on up, and someone will call me back. This finally happens at around a quarter to four. Now bear in mind that as far as they know, I am sitting swiveling aimlessly in my chair all day because I can't log on and therefore can't do any work. As it happens, someone who was supposed to be on leave popped in first thing and logged on to hers, so I could work on that.

The someone that calls me back is, amazingly, also no help, and also requires me to repeat everything that I told the first person, despite the fact it is all supposedly logged. He'll pass it on up and someone will get back to me. Presumably eventually it gets passed as far up as God, who will then smite my machine into small pieces. If I don't do it first.

The third person that calls me is marginally more use than the first two, in that he manages to log me on to the other computer with my own details, but also requires much repeating of information** and still can't fix the problem. The mythical beast known as the engineer is invoked, and if I'm lucky I might even see him tomorrow. Having hung up, I now realise that what I've spent all day working on is saved on the desktop of the other login (due to existing problems with our network drive, which, ooh, IT haven't worked out what 'tis yet), and I don't know her password. Wankflaps, I believe is the word. And just possibly may become my new password.

Incidentally, the spellcheck suggests replacing helpdesk with halibuts. Not a bad idea, probably more productive.


* OK a slight exaggeration...

** The other fun thing about calling IT helplines is that you can call up armed with the problem, the fact that all your settings are correct, and that it's not the network cable. Will they take you through it all anyway? You betcha. And then pass it on up...


At 10:36 am , Blogger Matt said...

good use of swearing.
I think that surpasses one of my previous favourites, that being pissflaps.


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