Up The Creek

Went to the Port Navas Regatta yesterday, and it was very much like stepping into an episode of Midsomer Murders. There were side shows including hoop-la, shuffle ha'penny, putting-for-dough and an oil barrel cow that you had to crawl across (drfiting across the field, the distant screams of small children being forcibly spun into a matress from a great height). There was a tombola, and plant stall, and some sort of restored Michelin van thing that kept the menfolk enthralled.

Out on the quayide were a silver band oompah-ing away and doing their best to drown out the commentary on the races by the man stood in the back of the official pick-up truck. Although for some reason they were only playing very mournful tunes (unless they were cheerful ones played at the wrong tempo, which was also a possibility).

Back in the field, we attempted to buy two hamburgers from what was quite possibly the lord of the manor. Now there was one man barbequeing, one woman trying to keep everything in order and this chap, standing haplessly behind the tresle table and getting everything wrong (read LotM in voice of Boris Johnson, close enough match).
C: "Two burgers in a bun please."
LotM: "Ah. Right. Have we got any burgers?"
Barbeque-er: "We've not got any more, we're waiting for [...] to bring some more over" (bear in mind this was at the start of the regatta!)
Lady (possibly LotM's wife): "No, we've got some already done here look."
LotM: "Er, it seems we haven't got any. They seem to be off. Sorry!"
Me: "Er, I think the lady said that you've got some. There. There, look. "
LotM: "What?"
Lady-otM: "Here, look darling, we've got some here."
LotM: "Oh. Right!" (Turning to us) "They're back on! What was it?"
C: "Two, please"
LotM: "That'll be £3 then"
C: "Er, you might want this back?" (handing back the fiver that he had already given to LotM, who had then handed it back along with the change)
Lady-otM: "Right. Two burgers. Who are these for?"

Reader, we finally got our burgers, and very nice posh-burgers they were too. We then moved on the most splendid cake stall I've ever seen, two trestles covered in fabulous home-made cakes, meringues and buns. And only 50p for a huge slice!

By this point, the races had started, and we stayed to watch up to the blindfold race which was quite entertaining (two girls rowing back in - "We came second to last! And we cheated!").

Alas, all this time and no corpses, although there was a vicar, which went some way to molify me.