Thursday, September 29, 2005

The Cheap-Shoe-Shuffle

In the unlikely event that someone in Asda management reads this blog, could you pass on to the relevant parties the sheer pointlessness of attaching your pairs of shoes together with elastic tags?

This makes it difficult enough to try them on and stand up in, let alone walk in. The best you can manage is a kind of moronic shuffe (which on second thoughts is perhaps what they're used to in Asda). If I'm going to buy a pair of shoes, it's not that unreasonable to want to know if I'm going to be able to walk in them (or even stand in a stance that doesn't involve knocking my ankle bones together). These tags also mean that you have a hard plastic bit sticking into the side of your foot, something else apparently designed to make it impossible to find out if a pair's worth buying.

I presume all this is in the interests of security, but let's face it, who is going to steal just one shoe? A Cinderella fetishist?

Tuesday, September 27, 2005


Just what you need first thing on a Monday morning, to be dispatched into the wilds of Camborne for assertiveness training. This got off to a bad start when we discovered that the Tesco that we'd parked in was the only one in the county not to have a coffee shop. Our gloom deepened when we made our way into the cold and peeling training building, to find that the coffee machine was broken. How one is expected to be assertive without caffeine, I can't imagine. My companion located the staff kitchen (through the door to the gents' loo, so full marks for initiative there) and raided their supply, so we at least had the consolation of Nescafe.

The trainer sounded disconcertingly like Graham Norton which was slightly distracting, as was the fact that when briefing me for the glory that was role play, he only looked me in the eye twice, fleetingly, the rest of the time keeping his eyes fixed firmly on the brooch on my lapel. I wanted to say er, being the assertiveness chap, shouldn't you be maintaining a bit more eye contact? Maybe I just naturally make people nervous...Still, my subsequent stint as "Health Visitor in charge of sex clinic" was fairly well received.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Well, that's sparrows all over

Possibly cross with the removal of her previous furry toy (see "Mouse"), I came down this morning to discover Smudge had left me a disemboweled sparrow, and feathers covering (and I mean covering) the living room floor. No doubt with the confiscation of this one as well, she's feeling a little down in the mouth...

Saturday, September 24, 2005

The Big Bad "I Said No!"

I'm going on an assertiveness course on Monday you know. I suspect there may be role playing. Oh, dear God.

Thursday, September 22, 2005


You begin to wonder if you're spending too much time with your cats when you have to catch a mouse before breakfast.

OK, so in this case it was a rescue mission - fend off two homicidal moggies, bend self round several pieces of furniture and stretch arm under sideboard, eventually grab mouse, close cats out of kitchen, unlock back door while retaining grip on mouse with one hand, release mouse onto grass. Re-catch mouse, which has decided to run the wrong way and sit in plain view, and re-release in hedge (mouse sits on open hand and wiffles appealing at you).


Yesterday was mostly spent having a migraine. This was not helped by having a screaming baby positioned behind my ear all the way home on the train. Interesting light effects though - bit like being hurled down a seventies sci-fi time tunnel effect.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Cats R Us

The local Cats Protection League adoption centre had a fete/open day today - entrance fee a tin of cat food! Picked up a big book on the Pre-Raphaelites for £2, a book on runes for 80p, a borage plant for 30p and a lovely pack of Christmas cards.

It Comes In Threes, or, A Succession Of Narrow Squeaks

Ah, those moments in life when you realise you've just made the right decision - in my case this morning, not tutting loudly or otherwise pushing out of the way the little girl buggering about in front of the cash-point, as I turned round to discover she belonged to my boss! Ahem.

The day was obviously getting into its stride, as a few minutes later the blond moppet of about twelve on the till decided he'd ask me for ID (was buying two bottles of wine). Of course, not driving, I don't have any. He looked embarrassed, I looked embarrassed (and probably somewhat desperate), and he appealed to the woman on the other till behind him. "Yeah, I should think so" she declared, much to my relief. "Sorry!" said the moppet, repeatedly, following up with "it was either really young or really old". Er, excuse me? No, never mind, I probably don't want you to elaborate.

It was later on in the day, coming out of a cafe on the High Street, that I was nearly mown down by an urchin free-wheeling at speed down the hill. I probably owe him an apology, as I'd looked for cars, but not noticed the bike, and he produced an impressive squealing of tyres and fishtailing of bike to avoid me, before shouting "this is a road you know", as he carried on into the distance. Being rather startled, I instinctively shouted "fuck off!" after him. Ah yes, I'm known for my razor-sharp wit.

On The Shelf

Kell has started a book discussion group, if anyone's interested in joining - On The Shelf. For anyone that likes books of any kind, no set texts to be troubled by. Come and join in!

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Waxing Lyrical, or on the Wane?

New blog widget can be viewed to the right - current moon phase info. Borrowed the link from Amethyst's site - hope you don't mind - copying being sincerest form of flattery and all that!

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Cat Haikus

The rule for today:
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.

In deep sleep hear sound
Cat throwup hairball somewhere
Will find in morning


Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Don't think they thought that one through...

Saw the latest Head & Shoulders advert for the first time last night and was rather taken aback to hear that ingredients include "a splash of sea minerals" (say it out loud). A case of Whaaaaat? Ohhh. I see.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Patrick Woodroffe

Went to see the latest exhibition at the art gallery today, the works of Patrick Woodroffe. What I didn't realise at the time, and have just found out from his website (, was that he's actually from Falmouth. Just goes to show I should read the labels more carefully. Anyway, amazing pictures, especially his light, and clouds, and trees, but there's a rather peculiar mind behind some of those works - seriously weird.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Mellow Fruitfulness

Very autumnal nip in the air* this morning for the first time, so here's a nice picture of the blackberries in my garden.

Fantastic weather, clear blue skies all day, took this picture just too late to catch the evening sun on them (sadly, sitting on my arse drinking tea and eating chocolate was more important than the artistic impulse). Although I did discover on getting up that I'd crushed a fallen fruit from the tree above, allowing me to get a 'squashed plums' joke in. Oh dear.

With the good weather, shame the whole day was spent inside typing notes from a meeting yesterday really. And believe me it's even more of a bugger to type when every other sentence contains the word 'anaesthetist'.

* Cue Matt....