Thursday, March 29, 2007


A man came this morning to change a lock on an office door. I took him to see the door in question, whereupon he asked me if I had a key to it.

Well, no, that's why we need it changing. If we could lock it, we wouldn't need a new one, it's not just that we got bored with this one.

Then he rubbed his chin and said - "Well, I haven't got a lock with me, I'll have to go and get it." But you came to change the lock? You knew that. Your office is on the other side of the site. And now it's started to rain and you're going to get wet, hah!


Was just speaking to someone off site, and they asked for another member of staff's home phone number. It wasn't till I'd read it out and hung up that I realised I'd just read out the number that she was actually on herself, cos it was the same area code....oops!


Wednesday, March 28, 2007

More Teabagging...

Heh - someone in the office has returned from a meeting in a posher office with a pocketful of complimentary teabags. He's working his way through them and trying to convince me to try them. So far, they all look like pot pourri and smell like shampoo.

Back off man, I'm strictly a Tetley girl!

(the posh pecan and chocolate chip biscuits were nice though!)

Tuesday, March 27, 2007


I was walking down the corridor just now (through enemy territory) and a teabag (unused) flew out of a room to land at my feet. WTF?

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Conversations I have had:

Manager: "Do we have a departmental camera?"
Me: "Yes"
Manager: "Can I borrow it to take photos of my holes?"
Me: " ! "


Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Adventures In Catering

I have just purchased a prawn and cucumber roll from the canteen deli bar.

Firstly, I had to shout at her to stop her putting evil NHS marge in it, despite having just asked me if I wanted it and received the clear answer 'no'.

Then she handed me a box that turned out to have a bottom completely coated in mayonnaise (not as much fun as it sounds).

Finally, I get the roll back to the office only to discover it contains, delicately balanced upon the prawns, precisely two slices of cucumber.

I'm not sure whether to eat them or frame them.


Monday, March 12, 2007

Weird World

Two news stories that I really shouldn't find this funny:

The number of people diagnosed with syphilis has risen in Cornwall. [BBC]

An online gambling site is taking bets on whether Heather Mills' artificial leg will fall off during her upcoming appearance on "Dancing with the Stars." [Reuters]

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Two Go Mad On The Roseland

Absolutely beautiful day today, and we went to St Mawes and beyond (I think I've seen that film...). To get there, went on the King Harry Ferry, which is the first time I've ever been on it, and it's suitably entertaining. For those not local, it's a car ferry across the river, pulled on two big clanking chains, with perspex sides to see through. £6.50 though, rip off?

From there to St Mawes, where we went round the castle. Got given audio commentary things*, which for a start makes you feel like you're looking round with a mobile phone clamped to your ear which is irritating enough, but as soon as it got to the dodgy 'local' accent acting bits I gave up and just explored, which was far more fun. Lots of spiral staricases and views across the bay back to Falmouth. Kind of odd seeing it from this angle. As the art mistress said to the gardener.

Then we drove up to St Anthony Head (insert Buffy joke of choice here) lighthouse. The trees aren't in leaf yet, but the paths are edged with daffodils and violets and primroses, and it was all quite lovely.

Portscatho next, which wasn't where I thought it was, or rather, wasn't the place I was expecting it to be (does that make any sense whatsoever?). Almost drove into the sea when the road abruptly became water with no apparent warning signs. Bought ice cream in the shop, where I marched in the exit door and apparently got funny looks. Well, easily distracted by ice cream, me.

* I originally typed that as 'audio commentary thongs'. Which would have put a rather different complexion on the day...


Saturday, March 03, 2007

Why I hate my neighbours - a continuing series

Well, it's been a few months but - once more with the f***ing banging early on a weekend.

No, not that sort of banging you dirty lot.

Half past eight on a Saturday? You f****rs. It sounded like someone was trying to break through the wall into my bedroom. Or down from the attic. We've had banging, drilling, sawing. It's a quarter to eleven now and they're still going. There's a kitchen van outside, but they had a new kitchen, what, last year?


Ahem. Sorry for the more-than-usually-sweariness of this post.

Friday, March 02, 2007


We had a leaflet through the door yesterday for a new hairdresser.

Their slogan?

A breath of fresh hair.

Now is it me or is that a really unappealing image?